so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
