She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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