yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
