Rock
Scissors
Fuck
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
