how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
