i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Randomize
