one might say we're banned from that church
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
