i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
