yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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