sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
