Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
