I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
