Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
