the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So much rum. So many feels.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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