Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
