dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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