Operation Purity has been aborted
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
