recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
is it fun? or sober?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
