I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she peed on how many people?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
