Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
