just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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