fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
