Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
