I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
