and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your cock deserves a montage
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
