New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
