I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
