She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
