I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
