Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
