In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The best revenge is premature balding
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
my liver is dry heaving
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
