I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
