Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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