one might say we're banned from that church
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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