He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
