I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dear god my vagina.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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