stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
