so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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