last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
