If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
