SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
