so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
