..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
