he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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