We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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