I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
