I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
