This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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