Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
