honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
