Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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