i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
