You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
