what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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