I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
