I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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