using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
worst night to have a conscience
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
