girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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