You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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