i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
