Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
