Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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