She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
