my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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