The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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