I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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