i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
