I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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