the condom got lost in my hair
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize